One upon a time there was an Irishman. On his deathbed, the old protestant fighter ordered: "I want to see a priest, I want to convert into a Catholic!". Everybody was aghast and thought the old man had lost his head. But no, he insisted, bellowed and got his wish. So it was that the priest entered the room and closed the door. After a while, he came out, very white. He did not say a word and left. The relatives, very worried, hurried into the room. The old man was very weak, but his spirit still lived: "Yes, I am now a Catholic. Better one of them dies than one of us!"

What's the difference between a dollar and a rouble? One dollar.

What happens if you ask an engineer "what's 2 times 2?" He takes his slide rule and answers back "3.99".

There was this talented university football player who had problems with his math course, putting his scholarship in jeopardy. A special exam was set up for him. His trainer said he would come to make sure it would go all right. The first question asked was "what's the root of 16?". The players face went into all kind of contortions due to the mental exertion until he finally said "4". The trainer then immediately pleaded: "give him another chance!".

Taxi accident in Scotland, the car falls in a ravine: 14 dead.

A Scot prays in the church: "God, please make it so that I win the lottery". One week later he comes again: "God, I beg you, do something, help me win the lottery". Still God does not answer. The following week, the Scot is angry: "God, why do you do this to me, I need to win, help me!". God finally answers: "At least do your part, buy a ticket!".

A little girl picks up delicately an ant which looks miserable and puts it on her hand. "What is it, why are you so sad". The ant explains: "I work a lot all day, but never anybody gives me encouragement." "But you do work a lot!" "Yes, you see, even you don't find it any special". "No, no, you do a great work!". "Cant't you not be more lively about it?" "Bravo, you're wonderful!". "No, I mean, really enthousiastic?". The child, all excited and happy, claps with her hands energetically: "Great, fantastic, you're very special!".